if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
