From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
