It's Friday. Sex?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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