if you like me you must not know who I am
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
