i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
