Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
