I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
