Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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