as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
