the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
