why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
