Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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