singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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