I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
