I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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