ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
