guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
