Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
