Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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