Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
