I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
