I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
