All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
