You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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