I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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