yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
