It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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