dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
