I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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