Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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