thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need moral support for this bender
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
