I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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