A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
