I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
