he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
