It's like God shit irony all over that family
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
