Whod you bang
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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