Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
