the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
