I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
