Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
