it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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