the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
