he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I understand Curling. That high.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
