that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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