laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
