You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
