If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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