So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
