My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
