I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There r osticjed everywhere
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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