i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
