What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
