a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
